Today I woke up to the sound of agression. Yesterday another patient nearly had a fight over breakfast, the same again today. He doesn’t stop talking it annoys a lot of people. Anyway it woke me up. There’s no coffee available, so I’m having tea. They let me have my meds today I also saw the consultant. They asked me if I was ready to go home over the weekend and I said no as I have nowhere to go at the moment. But the worst part of the day, which I’m taking full responsibility for, is the fact that Carla and I are on a break for just over a week so we can focus on ourselves and not get distracted bey each other’s behaviour. At first that conversation brought tears to my eyes instantly. But today, this afternoon I’m trying to accept it and see the positives. If this strengthens us as a couple and as individuals then I will be forever gratefu. If this doesn’t work then it will break me in half. She may read this she may not, either way I deeply love and miss her. I’m longing for that day when we can be in each other’s arms again. That brings me so much comfort and stability. My mum came to visit me just now and she was kind enough to bring me some snacks. The last two times I was in here I wanted no visitors, just like in the past two weeks I’ve been pushing everyone away. But as I feel incredibly lonely I want nothing more than to feel loved bec I’m really struggling to love myself after what I’ve done to the people around me. I need a miracle.
The support from my followers has given me a little strength though. They, no...YOU!!! have given me hope in this dark time. Thank you ❤️🤘