Not sure why this keeps flipping images sideways. There’s a lot of uncertainty surrounding my future. I mean the next few weeks or so. Where am I going? Where is Carla going? What’s going to happen to our relationship? How am I going to enjoy Christmas? When are these three voices going to leave me alone? When will I have a stronger desire to live than to die? Prior to my relapse two years ago I was great at making decisions and sticking to them. Uncertainty drives my anxiety, which eventually makes me think things I really shouldn’t be. Honestly I’m more scared of my relationship ending than anything else. However I’m at a place, finally, where I can except that if it ends I will be able to handle it like a big boy. I hope. My track record for handling break ups is pretty poor though. Fuck! I hate being abandoned or left in anyway like that. The worst feeling for me, other than seeing my children cry, is when someone doesn’t love me back. God I’m pathetic. What the fuck am I doing? Think I’m gonna ask for some Zopiclone to go with my Quetiapine tonight, I can’t have a repeat of last nights episode. My head hurts. I think I need to cry a bit😭
Do they have u on any diazapam? They gave me that to help ease the anxiety when I was in hospital makes u a bit sorta tired but it helped take the edge of the anxiety for me.
I have had bad insomnia for a long time but I found the zolpiclone worked best when I went to bed early (which I would never do cause that usually means more time tossing and turning) but usually theirs less out of the blue noises and I tended to nod off relatively easy.
Don’t know if that helps but that’s how I found it 😅
Thank you, it does help to have input from someone who has had similar experiences. I don’t take zopiclone often, only when I’m in hospital after and overdose. For obvious reasons they won’t let me take my usual medication straight away so I have to rely on a PRN to help sedate me at night time. My quetiapine usually knocks me out quickly 9/10 times but last night it just didn’t and it was making me anxious, and, you know, when you’re anxious you become hyper-sensitive to noise. Not what you need at bed time.
Sucks that your still struggling that much. Zolpiclone is probably a good idea I was on it through all the time I was admitted and it really helped. Makes u feel a little loopy I found toward going to bed don’t know if you’ve ever had that if you’ve been on it before but I was always a bit funny after I took mine. Tbh it was usually a welcome feeling 😂
Though I do wanna say you ain’t pathetic! Give your brain a kick up the arse for me for even thinking that. (Don’t know how that works logistically but I’m sure u could figure it out 😂) fears of abandonment is par for the course for BPD so…